Monday, July 24, 2006

The dark side of Autism

So today was one of those rough days. This morning Lowell was rearing to go to school by 7:15 am and we don't leave until 8 am. He was getting bored. He started to take my hand and lead me around like he wanted something. He would take me to different spots and then was not at all clear about what he wanted, so he would get frustrated that I was not giving him what he *thought* the wanted. This went on and on an the frustration started to grow for both of us. It escalated to the point that I couldn't deal with him not being able to either a.) say b.) point c.) give me some clue (anything) to let me know what he wanted. I snapped and totally lost it. Definitely not one of my prouder moments. I started bawling and had to leave the room.

When we got to school I asked the teachers if there was anything else I could have tried. The speech therapist said it actually is a good sign that he is leading me around and we just need to keep working on the communication. Yea, I know. She also said it was a pretty "typical" developmental phase. I think what frustrates me most is that we haven't gotten past this yet. Before the age of 2 he didn't have any way of showing what he wanted. He didn't point or take my hand or verbalize anything. It was a guessing game what his grunts ment. So when he started taking my hand and actually bringing me to something I was thrilled. However, now that's where we've been for almost a year now. It's really starting to wear my patience. Ugh! I can honestly say I have never, ever wanted anything so bad as for my son to talk. Some days it hits me harder than others.

So here's the report from class. I'm happy to see they worked on PECS with him after hearing my story this morning.

What I did really well today: working on PECS

What was fun about today: chase in gym, new bubble machine

My mood was: good

Tomorrow is another day. I just need to remember to celebrate the baby steps, they are leading in the right direction:)


Kristin said...

i wonder if using pecs at home (not sure if you are??) would help at all... i'm sorry i didnt respond sooner - i've been under the weather, and busy with work, but i've been thinking of you two. I hope you guys can find answers, and do know that you're not alone.

Steve said...

I remember those days all too well. It seemed like we would never arrive at the day where Grant would be able to communicate his desires to us.
Pecs was very useful; I highly encourage you to build a small but useful list of icons at home that he can use. Keep the list handy; we used to bring it everywhere we went. Sign language was also very useful, especially for yes/no answers and very common terms like bathroom.
The steps may be small and gradual, but Lowell will get there.